my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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