i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
