Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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