I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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