Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
