WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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