Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
