Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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