zippers are such a cool invention
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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