my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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