So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
