Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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