Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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