My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize