speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
