You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
