Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
