I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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