I cannot find my penis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
