You made me cry and you don't even care
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
