Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
