You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
