girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
