he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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