Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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