saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
