This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
