Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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