I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
