so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
