The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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