We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
