omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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