I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize