You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
