Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
