just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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