Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
