Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize