Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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