You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
