i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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