Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
