He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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