I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
