fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
