My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
