for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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