She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
