me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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