You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
