I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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