Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
