if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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