On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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