OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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