I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am naked and annoyed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
