He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
