i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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