he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
