Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
