No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
