I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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