Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
