Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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