when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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