We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
