I just made out with a guy for $7.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
