hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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