are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
