ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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