So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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